Thursday, November 24, 2011

The Truth About Wall-E

Oh WALL-E, that lovable little robotic scamp! Hes gotta be one of the sweetest most kid friendly things to ever come from the fine folks at Pixar. A fine role model for kids everywhere around the globe wouldn't you say? Well... no, maybe not. Here are two reasons why WALL-E isn't all that he appears to be.

WALL-E is a grave robber. That's right, just think about it. one of his tracks was junked early in the movie so his solution to this was to steal the perfectly good track off of one of his fellow WALL-E robots who had permanently shut down while doing his job. You can easily compare this to someone grabbing a shovel to dig up your dead friend for his shoes. But this isn't even the worse thing WALL-E does the worst thing is next.

WALL-E is a date rapist. Yup you did indeed read that right. Just marinate on that one for a couple of seconds. WALL-E the greatest robot in the history of robots is also a date rapist. Wheres my evidence for such slander? Right on the screen. Lets face it WALL-E is a robot and the birds and the bees aren't exactly the same for robots as it is for us humans. Plus lets face it WALL-E IS a little dim. Anyways when WALL-E is watching "Hello Dolly" hes sees the people in the movie holding hands and for all he knows that's the pinnacle of a sexual relationship, and wishes dearly to hold another robots hand. So when he sees EVE he reacts like many of us when we see someone very attractive of the opposite sex and he wants to have sex with her, and whats sex to WALL-E other then hand holding? That's the best there is as far as he knows. After WALL-E takes EVE back to his place he shows her a plant which EVE puts into her body and shuts down to single the ship what does WALL-E do? He plucks her hand out of its spot and holds it! Its just as well WALL-E slipped EVE a roofie and had his way with her! When EVE awakens she has no idea, but the damage has been done. WALL-E has been there and done that.

There you have it folks two reasons why WALL-E isn't quite the role model we all thought he was. WALL-E is nothing by a deviant grave robber who date rapes other robots.

Naturally this was all for fun. Hopefully it provided a giggle or two. I love WALL-E and it might be my favorite Pixar movie so this was done for fun not hate. Why did I even feel the need to explain myself on this foolishness.